Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I looked at my own cervix.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
