OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
