My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
