Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
