Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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