She is in my trunk
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
