I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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