You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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