I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
