im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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