I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
There are leaves in my underwear?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
