ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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