i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
