i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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