Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
