I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
