I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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