I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
