Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
