I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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