it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I didn't notice because vodka
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
