i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
