He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
