Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
