you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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