You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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