so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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