Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
