Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize