you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
