remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
