I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
