remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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