Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
