it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
the condom got lost in my hair
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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