Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
this will be a night to untag.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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