I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
are you so shy because you have an std?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
