Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
