Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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