Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
