Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
