One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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