I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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