mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
