I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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