So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
