You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
