Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
