Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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