Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
