i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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