I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
