got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
