you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
