I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
