hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
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I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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