i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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