The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
