we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Naked. naked and bneed help.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
