someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
