sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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