I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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