his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
