There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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