[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
